Here for You
by Andorian Ice Princess-AIP
Summary: After his last visit to the hospital, Severide just wants to be alone. But a close friend knows he needs some company. Tag & SPOILERS FOR eppy 5..20 'Carry Me'


**Title: Here for You**

 **Summary:** After his last visit to the hospital, Severide just wants to be alone. But a friend knows he needs some company. Tag  & SPOILERS FOR eppy 5..20 'Carry Me'

 **Disclaimer:** Same as always. I own nothing but my muse and my love for all things #firefighters #Sevasey & #Lindseride

 **A/N:** So love the Severide/Stella friendship (if I can't have him with Erin then I'll take him with Stella b/c I love her and Miranda‼) and as much as I didn't like Anna/Kelly romantically her dying was just horrible and brought back my own painful memories (if you have never watched someone die I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy b/c as much as you want to remember happy memories that's the last one your left with-and it never goes away). But they were canon so this piece will use that as its basis as well as the #stellaride friendship.

 **Note:** As always " _words in quotes and double italics taken from the eppy"_ single quotes or without are past convo's or thoughts.

* * *

 _"Hey…stay with me…"_

 _"Kelly…"_

 _"Hey…Anna…HEY!...HEY! Oh God…Anna! Help her! Do something!"_

 _"I'm sorry."_

 _"Wait...what do you mean sorry?"_

 _"I'm sorry there's nothing more we can do."_

 _"No...she...she can't die...no!"_

 _"I'm sorry...she's gone."_

Dead. Just like that. He had just been talking to her. Telling her to hold on...fight...come back to him, to her parents. Just...not die. But she had died and he...he was hollow inside. Empty.

He had lost people in the field…strangers…professional brothers…friends. They hurt. They all hurt in their own way but something inside him could justify how he was feeling at the time of their passing and that usually helped him carry on…move on…heal.

Losing Andy Darden hurt him deeply as they had been childhood friends but inside he was able to push the pain aside by telling himself Darden should have known better and ultimately…but that was little comfort. The pain stayed with him.

Losing Shay…that one, however, hurt him in ways he had never felt before. They were friends…bonded by a true loyal kindship and when he found her in that rubble, a part of him died…was left behind and never gone back for. But his love for her was different. It was platonic, not romantic and his heart didn't ache the same way it did for Anna – someone he fell for faster than he thought possible. He had tried to tell himself it was silly since he didn't really know her that long but he'd be lying to himself.

"Damn…" Severide lightly curses as his eyes water and his heart starts to feel heavy in his chest. Casey, Dawson and the rest from the house had just left his apartment and having them there for even a brief moment helped to ease some of the painful battle his insides were waging.

But now…all that's left is silence and suddenly his soul feels empty. His brain tries to urge him to get up…do something…distract yourself! Sitting here and moping…weeping…crying isn't healthy! _It's part of the grieving process,_ his heart would argue back and on it would go – a deadlocked battle of two emotional losers.

 _Want to go for a ride? A jog? A walk…brisk walk? Go for a drive? Have a few sho…_ Severide shakes his head at that last notion as he recalls what happened the last time he decided to have a few and then try to drive home – disaster! No he'd just stay home…and sulk? He didn't feel like doing anything that made him happy as that made him feel selfish. _She wouldn't want you to stop your life or mope or sulk for her…you know that!_ His brain tries to remind him as he feels his frame sinking a bit further into the chair.

 _You need to do something!_

"Yeah…" he mutters as he rubs his face and blinks his watery eyes. But just before he can sink too far down into emotional mire, a soft knock is heard at the door. He pauses as he tells himself it's just one of the team and he wasn't in the mood for small talk…company. But as the knock persists a few more times, he has no choice but to push himself upright and then slowly shuffle toward the door, his mood as sour as his expression.

"I'm not….hey…" he starts with a snap and then can't help but offer a softer expression when Stella's face appears. Her kind facial offering plus the comforting familiarity that comes with their friendship, forces his gaze to soften and his lips to tug slightly upward.

"Heard this is where the brokenhearted are hiding out."

"Come in," Severide gestures with his head as he saunters back inside and then heads for the window; his shoulders slumped and his breath heavy in his chest and lungs. "Keep thinking back to those last few moments. Damn doctors and damn DNR form. Was mad at them. I told them... screw the form! She wanted to live! They didn't know her!"

"Kelly..."

"I know they have to respect her final wishes. I get that. It was her choice... her right... her legal wish. But…but still wish they hadn't."

She didn't have the proper words so much like at the hospital, she slowly walks up to him and stands in silence a few seconds before offering him a hug; letting him hold on for as long as possible and not judging any of the emotional outbursts that his body needed to expel. "They had to."

"I know…was her choice and she…she was….her father said she was fully alert when she made it. She uh…she made it a few days ago. Didn't want them to try to revive and her live as a damn vegetable. She made it when...not just at the end. Knew what she was doing but...but damn."

"Always is hardest on the survivors," Stella offers in sympathy.

"Sucks for them," he huffs as he pulls away and then heads toward the opposite window and looks out into the dreary Chicago afternoon; the dull grey of the clouds and intermittent rain drops added to the melancholy of his dismal mood. "She's at peace right? All that stuff…she can't feel pain…nothing can hurt her again…cancer's gone…I get it…"

Stella listens to his tormented words and lets him rant; knowing that this was part of the natural grieving process and something that would only hurt him to hold it all inside.

"Sometimes I wish we ne…ah that's wrong to say also," he groans as he rubs his slightly stubbled face and then lifts his red, watery eyes to look at her in quiet misery. "Just….doesn't seem fair."

"It's not. She was too young," Stella adds as she slowly nears him.

"When Andy died...even Shay...I uh...never saw it. But with Anna...watching her take her very last breath it uh...it was almost...almost like it wasn't real and then...when she flatlined. God...it was the worst thing I've ever seen. It...I watched her die...literally and now...memories yeah...screw happy memories, that's my last memory of her! It wasn't happy, it wasn't angry it was just...ah damn it!"

Stella offers him another supportive hug as he quickly brushes away a few tears and looks at her with pursed lips. "I'm...so sorry."

"Yeah...me too."

"When is the service?"

"Weekend."

"'kay," Stella acknowledges as she nears him and looks at him in sorrow. "I'm so sorry Kelly. Wish I could take your pain away right now but uh…but I can't. Can't do much else but be here."

"Glad you're here," he admits with as genuine a smile as he can muster. "But…afraid I'm not good company. I just want to…I don't know. Part of me wants to sit and mope and the other wants to go down a few shots and then…"

"Take a cab home?" She interjects softly as he nods.

"Yeah that," he sighs. "With her home in Springfield…she commuted but uh…I feel like I have nothing to do but I should be doing something."

"Besides sitting here moping and thinking about what memories you'll take with you."

Severide's brow gently furrows as he looks at her with slightly widening eyes.

"What?" Stella asks slowly.

"I uh…I have do to something."

"Just came to you?"

"Yah something you said."

"Ok-ah. So plan A or B?" Stella inquires.

"C actually."

"C? C is what…because if it involves you getting wasted and driving….well anything, think again mister," she concludes with a light quip that forces his face to genuinely relax for the first time in hours…maybe days. "You…want some company?"

"You wanna get dirty?"

"Really?" She arches her brows as his lips produce the first smirk in hours. "Where are we going?"

"Come on. I'm taking the bike. Need the fresh air."

"Bring it on."

Finally his mood starts to lift and he pauses at the doorway and looks at her with a kind expression. "Thank you. For being there for me or here or whatever."

"Always here for you," she assures him as her hand rests on his and gives it a tender squeeze. "Don't like to see you hurting like this but I get it. But just don't want you to face it alone."

"Thank you."

XXXXXXXX

"So…where are we?" Stella asks as Severide's bike stops outside the house with the burnt room and some obvious outside burn marks.

"Mrs. Norwich. Her house had a fire yesterday and…and I need to help her. Look you don't have to stay if you don't want to."

"I'm curious how you want to help her here. So lead the way," Stella holds up her arm as Severide gives her a nod and walks past. "What happened here?"

"Fire in the roof but it damaged a few of the foundation beams and it's not safe for her to stay her. Her daughter dropped by the house and was worried but…but I just want to help her with something. Plus…" he pauses as he stops and looks at her with a tormented expression. "She said something about, _"making sure you grab all the memories you can,_ " he quotes her words from the day before. "I want to help her take something with her."

"Did she…lose someone?"

"Her husband but not recently. They were married for 34 years."

"That…is amazing."

"Yeah."

Severide knocks on the door and then both him and Stella look at Mrs. Norwich's surprised expression.

 _"What now?"_ She asks in surprise and annoyance as Stella looks at Severide in surprise as well. But he says nothing. Instead he pushes past her and heads into the middle of the small, somewhat unstable home.

" _What the hell are you doing?"_

Severide pulls a small flat prybar from a small bag; the same bag Stella had wondered what was inside. _"You can't stay here," Severide tells Mrs. Norwich firmly as he pry's off one of the door frames; the frame that held the age and height milestone markers for her daughter – memories she didn't want to part with. "But you can take this with you anywhere," he tells her as he pries it loose and then hands it to her. "That way…you'll always carry them with you."_

Stella's heart starts to break a little with every word that Severide offers but even more so when he turns to the old woman and tells her that, _"my girlfriend died."_

 _"I'm so so sorry," the old woman offers with heartfelt sorrow._

Stella's eyes water as she watches Severide's eye water as he hugs the old woman and then looks at her for some silent support and comfort; basking in the silent relief that she's there for him and always would be. It was her strength that he'd come to need and rely on in the weeks and months to come. She of course would heartily return it.

"This is your friend."

"Stella," she offers as she extends her hand for the old woman to take.

 _"Help me pack,"_ Mrs. Norwich implores them with a pleading expression that they can't say no to.

"Sure," Severide replies as Stella nods in agreement. For the next hour, the three of them chat about items in the home, Mrs. Norwich telling the two younger ones about the story behind the memory of a certain item; sometimes a laugh is shared, more often than not, tears are offered. But in that small dwelling the tears were welcomed, even encouraged and all within its confines benefitted from it.

"Hope is on her way here. Thank you both again. Kelly…hold onto the good memories."

"I will," he promises as he gives Mrs. Norwich a friendly hug.

"And you take care of him," she whispers to Stella as she gives her a motherly hug a few seconds later.

"I will," Stella also promises with a soft smile as they both look over at Severide's somewhat defeated frame leaning against the front doorpost. "And you take care of yourself also."

"Have so far. Not about to stop now."

Stella gives her a smile and then heads toward Severide with a small frown. "Come on," she tells him as her hand rests on his forearm and gives it a small squeeze.

"Hope that was okay. You know…helping a stranger."

"Don't we do that every day?" She counters as they near his bike.

"Yeah…guess we do," he huffs as he looks at her with a frown. "Stella…right now I just…I don't…I have things to say but…"

"Why are you trying to force your grief? Let's go for a ride and you can just…I'm here okay? I'm here for you. I'll always be here for you."

"Thank you," he whispers warmly as he hugs her tightly; his eyes once again watering.

Her arms hold him close, his heart beating rapidly against her chest as his lungs slightly heave. "Come on."

"So…where to?"

"Let's drive out toward Wrigley and just…see where we end up. No pressure okay? You wanna ride and then find a quiet place to toss stones, I'm up for that."

"Stones," he slightly smirks.

"Stones. I know you remember?" She tosses back with a friendly smile. "I can't pretend to know what you're feeling or have the words to say but I'm your friend and I care about you. So if just being here for you is what you need…I'm here."

"Okay."

The two of them climb back on the bike and then pull away from the house; not having much of a confirmed destination in mind at the moment. He was raw and hurting and his pain and sadness wasn't about to diminish overnight. It would take time. But what she said was true. She'd be here for him no matter what and for as long as he would need. She'd be his shoulder to cry on. His strength and his rock when he started to falter. She'd let him cry, shout, scream, yell, laugh... whatever he'd need to help move along the healing process. She cared about him and although it was deeper than she might confess right now, she'd put his needs first and help him move past his grief.

 _'Always'_

 **THE END!**

* * *

 **A/N:** tough to write but hope you all liked this a little and please do review before you go and thanks so much!


End file.
